Tales of the Parodyverse

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L!
Sat Jun 05, 2004 at 11:05:42 pm EDT
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Becuase some people wanted it & I desided to write it: The Origin of Semi-Transparent Lad!
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In mid town Goth Haven, in the Ballard District there is a store. The jiggling of a bell on the door, tells Ben Hermes, the clerk on duty, that another customer has come into The Gulp n' Go to either harass him, to buy something or both. Most people only want to do the second but end up doing number three.

The man who walked in looks suspicious, he wore a fedora that is pulled down over his eyes & the collar of his buttoned up trench coat is turned up. It looks like he doesn't want to be noticed, which usually means to Ben that they want something sexual. Why do all the perverts come to his store ?

"Do you have..." The man whispered.

"What?" Ben said, interrupting very loudly. "Do you want some Porn? We have a limited selection but it's in the back next to the condoms in aisle four." Ben yelled to the empty store. He was bored & decided to have some fun with this customer, one of his favorite pass times at work.

"Be quiet, I just want to know if you have the new issue of Super Hero monthly." The man said, whispering again.

"Oh, you mean to one with super hero lawyer Lisa on the cover who appears to be humping a bear skin rug." Ben yelled again.

"Yes." he whispered again.

"No, it's sold out. Come back on Thursday, we might have some more copies then. We got some copies of last month's issue with Mr. Epitome on the cover. He's not humping anything, I think." Ben told the man, Ben didn't yell that time. The man then left the store, angrily. Ben felt good & smiled.

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Later, the door opened, an orange & purple blur rushed into the store. The blur opened one of the cooler doors, picked up a couple cases of beer, sped over to the counter & put down the beer. Then, the bell on the door started to jingle.

"Hey, Ben. I heard something about you slumming it here at The Gulp n' Go." Said the speeder hero, Sonic Boom. Sonic Boom looks like Lance Armstrong on Steroids. Sonic isn't a De Brown Streak or anything but when your in need for a person with super fast speed & It's not the drug, Sonic Boom gets the job done most times when he's not drunk or high.

"Yeah, I need money for this month's rent, I don't want to live on the street & my boss wouldn't let me live in the back room. That will be $120.95 for the beer."

"What? Last time I was in here, 10 cases of De Bat Green was only $105.64."

"Didn't you hear De Bat Green is losing money to it rival, Molelesten's. So, they jacked up the price to make up for lost profits."

"That sucks"

"I know."

"Plus, Molelesten's tastes like someone crapped in a can & added mint."

"Why, Sonic Boom! You should go into advertising." Ben said sarcastically.

"Shut up. Here & keep the change." Sonic Boom said as he gave Ben some money. Then Sonic Boom was a blur again & sped out of the store with his beer.

Ben thought that Sonic Boom must be having another one of his all night beer feasts, Ben has never been invited but has heard all about them. Ben also bets on the morning news tomorrow, there will be something about Sonic Boom's over-night activities.

Ben went back to reading his magazine which was the last copy of this month's Super Hero Monthly. "Oh, I didn't know you could do that with cool whip. That's sick!"

----------------

The bell on the door jiggles, Ben doesn't look up from his magazine.

"Stick 'um up. This is a robbery." said a man, nervously.

Ben doesn't do anything.

"Come on, Stick 'um up! I'm robbing you." the robber said pleadingly. The Robber glances away from what seemed to him like a moment & Ben was gone. "Hey, where did you go ?"

"Right behind you." Ben said as he took the gun away from him.

"Why did you do that ?"

"Why ? I don't want to get shot. Now that I have taken away your gun & by the looks of you, your not going to do about it. So, I'm going to let you leave the store unharmed. Ok?" Ben said.

"Sure, whatever. Just don't shoot me."

The robber runs out the store. Ben unlocks the gun drawer behind the counter & puts the gun in, then locks the drawer again. That's the third gun he has gotten this week. It's been a slow week, usually he has about ten guns by this time in the week.

What Ben didn't notice was that Sonic Boom had left a bowl of Chili, with a spoon in it, cooking in the Microwave. Plus, he set the cooking time for way to long.

----------------

Awhile later, the chili is still cooking & a man walks in the store. The man looks like if death took the form of a creepy old man, which it mostly does but you get the idea. The bell on the door jiggles but Ben doesn't hear it, he has fallen asleep, which is another of his favorite pass time at work. He is sitting in a chair behind the counter with his head back & mouth open, he is also snoring a bit.

The man stands in front of the counter.

"Ben Hermes." the man says quietly, then he goes around the counter & moves towards Ben.

"Ben Hermes, wake up."

Ben does nothing but continue to sleep.

The man moves forward then, he says louder. "Ben Hermes, Wake up."

Ben doesn't. Then, some how he yells inside Ben's Head.

"WAKE UP!"

Ben wakes up and falls off the chair.

"Don't eat me!" he yelled, his dream was about man eating bananas.

Ben wakes up some more & looks up from the ground. He sees the man, a man he has seen before. He now on the other side of the counter, again.

"Oh, it's you. What do you want ?"

"America is going down in Evil...." The man started to say.

"Yeah, yeah." Ben interrupted. "America is going down in evil that's why you need my help for some mission that I might die from. Blah, Blah, Blah. It's the end of world & you don't feel fine, I'm the chosen one, You see purple skies & there are alternate dimensions. There is a man lurking in the shadows. So ?"

"Will you help me ?"

"As I have said every time you have asked me, no. I'm not super hero. Go ask them for help, it is what there paid to do."

"They turned down my offer. I will return to ask you again, Ben Hermes. The dark time is getting close & it is almost upon us! Plus, you may want to check your microwave, it's smoking." The man said.

He leaves. Ben notices that the man never looks like he's walking but he seems to float over the ground, which adds to his creepiness. Ben thinks he should seek out a psychologist instead of him.

Ben walks over to the microwave & looks into the microwave via the window in the door. Inside is a what at one time was a plastic bowl of chili. The heated spoon is giving off sparks as the bowl rotates. Chili is running everywhere inside the microwave & is seeping everywhere in the microwave. The timer say there is twenty more minutes before it's done, Ben thinks it was done twenty minutes ago but who is he to disagree with a microwave. Ben also sees that the microwave is almost about to explode, like in a minute or two.

Ben pulls open a frosted over freezer door to protect him from the bits & pieces of microwave & chili. Then, the microwave exploded with a sicken "BALLSTROACH!"

----------------

SPECIAL WRITER'S NOTE: Now, we all that microwaves give off low levels of radiation & that radiation is large amounts kills almost anything. So, the radiation of the microwave mixing with the metal spoon in the chili makes a special type of radiation. It's either super powerful radiation of DEATH or it's radiation that could give some young person powers that will forever complicate there life. This microwave radiation would have killed Ben Hermes but because he used the frosted over freezer door as protection, he didn't die. But because it was a semi-transparent piece of glass it only filtered the radiation & it enters Ben's Body anyways but at non lethal doses.

----------------

"GGGGGAAAAAAHHHH!" Ben yelled & falls to the floor. The glass door shatters & breaks. Aisles one thru three is covered in chili & microwave pieces. Ben's boss is not going to be happy about this. But when is Ben's boss ever happy ?

----------------

Sometime later....

"Hey, Ben! Wake up!" said a female voice before she slapped Ben across the face.

"Wha ? Are you God ?" Ben said half awake & covered in glass, chili & microwaves chunks.

"No. But wouldn't that be cool if I was. Bow down before Me!" Brooke Lynn Bridge said, she's Ben's best friend. Don't ask about the name, let's just say don't name your kid when your high. At least her name's not Apple.

"Ben, what happened ?" Brooke asked.

"Chili cook to long, Spoon, Microwave, KABOOM!" Ben mumbled.

"Was that all! I thought something bad happened." Brooke said as she helped Ben up off the floor.

Brooke brushes the glass off him & then shakes the glass out of his hair. Ben stands there with a stunned look on his face, he is also dripping chili a bit. The door bell jingles & it's Randy.

"Sorry, I'm late. I know my shift started twenty minutes ago, don't tell the boss but my training with Master Wing ran long. As you know, Master Wing is strict on how his students use his throwing stars. To make a long story short, I had to stay after class & clean up all the blood." Randy said. (He is training to become the next great ninja super hero. He's not doing to well, but he keeps trying. Randy watched one to many Bruce Lee movies as a kid & has been obsessed ever since.)

Randy said all that without ever looking over at Ben, Brooke & the mess. He finally does & stops, looks over the destruction & says "What happened here ?"

"Chili cook to long, Spoon, Microwave, KABOOM!" Ben mumbled again.

"From what I gather, some idiot put a spoon in there chili & cooked it for far to long. Then, the Microwave exploded since most of the destruction comes from the former location of the microwave." Brooke said.

As they talk, Chili starts to drip from the ceiling.

"Oh. What type of chili ?" Randy asks.

"It looks like white chili with chicken pieces in it." Brooke said.

Ben just stands there dazed. If a person didn't know he has been involved with in a explosion them might have thought he was high.

"Could you clock Ben out, I'm taking his home." Brooke said as she put one of his arms over her shoulders & started to walk out of the store with him.

"Ok. No Problem." Randy says as they leave then looks again at the destruction. "Who going to clean up this mess ?"

"You, I guess." Brooke says just before she's outside.

Randy thinks that this just not his day. First, he's late for training because a villain decides that Randy's main route to class is an excellent place to fight there arch foe. Then there his accident with the throwing stars & now this. He sighs & then goes gets a mop.

----------------

As Brooke walks Ben home she notices something different about Ben, parts of him are missing. They go missing & return, then other pieces disappear.

"Ben has powers, how cool is that!" she thinks. Then, she thinks " Ben needs to lose some weight, he's heavy."

----------------

The next day...

Ben wakes up in his bed, he doesn't remember coming home or anything after the microwave exploded. Which may or may not be a good thing. He's not dead with is good but what happened to the rest of yesterday ? He is wearing different clothes & he knows he didn't go out drinking or did he ?

Ben walks out of his bedroom, the TV is on.

"This just in. The Super Hero, Sonic Boom has been yet again arrested for drunken & disorderly behavior. This is Sonic Boom's third offense this month. This guy really needs to go to rehab or something." said the news anchorwoman.

Ben sees his friend, Brooke, standing in his Kitchenette (Not quite a kitchen but more than just a room with a hot plate) making breakfast.

"Do you know what happened last night because I don't remember any of it ?" Ben ask her.

Brook was startled by Ben sneaking up on her.

"I didn't know you were up!" She then said to Ben after she calmed down a bit. She was wearing Ben's Day Glo yellow CrazySugarFreakBoy shirt, it has CSFB's head on the front with a Day Glow green circle around his head, He's smiling & winking. The shirt was over sized on her. She looked to not be wearing anything underneath & Ben knowing Brooke, she might not be.

"After the accident at the Gulp 'n Go, I brought you home & put you to bed. I slept here for the night just in case you needed anything."

"Thanks!"

"No Problem, what are friends for if they can't help you out in time of need ?"

"They I guess they would be enemies then. One question, why didn't you take me to the hospital ?"

"Because you what your hand is doing right now." Brooke said & pointed to Ben's right hand, which is becoming invisible.

"AHHH!" Ben said as he looked at his hand. Then, he turns his hand & it partially becomes visible, it's still mostly see thru.

"Hey, look at this! Depending on the light my hand is in, it's either invisible or partly invisible. That's cool!" Ben said as he moved his hand, then it becomes opaque again.

"It's is cool but can you control it?" Brooke asked.

"I guess so."

"So, what are you going to do now ?"

"Well, like my Uncle Bob use to say with super powers comes a greater change you won't get your butt kicked as offen. So, I might become a Super Hero!"

----------------

Well, that's Semi-Transparent Lad's origin. Hope you enjoyed it! Maybe next time he might even fight someone & they might even be evil. Also, we might see him getting his code name of Semi-Transparent Lad & a costume.


FOOTNOTES:

Semi-Transparent Lad is a throw away character from the first part of my Proctology story (I'm half finnished with part 2.) But, In my Questionaire I posted awhile ago & with the question which was "Which surpporting character do you want to see more of?" People wanted Semi-Transparent Lad. In fact, the only question Hatman answered was that he wanted more STL!

So, He & other's convenced me to write more STL. Originally I was writing a "Day in the Life" sort of story for STL, which a large section of it does happen at work. But, then I got the idea for his origin. I guess he's special, almost none of my character's have origin stories.

The Gulp N' Go scene is a slightly re-done version of a scene I had in a story I did called Goth Haven. Goth Haven is also the city where Ham-Boy does his super heroing. HB might cameo sometime.

There are 2 things in that scene that I'm sort of worried about, The Lisa Magizine referances. Lisa being a cover girl & humping a carpet is a funny & some what sickening idea. But, I'm not sure if it is in character but it's there. I hope it's ok, I don't want STL getting sued.

I hope KS doesn't mind Mr. Epitome's appearance on a cover. I don't want to see in the Mr. Epitome story, Semi-Transparent Lad being carted off to jail.

There's nothing else to really explain. I'm sure I could come up with other stuff but who want's to read long footnotes ?


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